I love how God always speaks so clearly. I admit that I am not always listening but when I do it is so powerful.
Yesterday's message was kinda like that. Pastor Ron encouraged us to share our praise stories! This year has
been a whirl wind for myself and my family. (In an amazing way!!)
Last Fall I had been in a state, of what I now see as, "floating-content-christian". Contentment is a
very dangerous place to be and I knew that. Do you ever feel like you are at a place in your walk with
God where you keep hitting a wall? I have been a believer pretty much my entire life. I have grown up with
family who loved the Lord, I went to church every Sunday, and I truly wanted to grow in my walk with God.
Anyway, I started asking God last Fall why I kept hitting this wall? "WHAT IS IT GOD???" Well when you truly want to
know and you are actually listening, God DOES answer VERY CLEARLY. He said to me(not in audible voice),"Kelly, you
will find wholeness in Me when you start being obedient to what I am telling you." WOW. That hit me like a ton
of bricks. Okay, so now I needed to know what He was calling me to do. I prayed, he answered. He showed me many
things. I was not in the word on a daily basis. I had many hurts from the past that I knew I needed to deal with.
Pain from the past can be such a barrier from what God wants to do and where He wants to take us. So what did I do?
I didn't do anything. I was over-whelmed. I knew what God wanted me to do and I froze. January came and I
realized that I was still hitting the wall. God spoke very clearly again. I have known for many years that
God has a plan for me and that He wants to start training me up but I kept putting it off because of the fear and
pain I had in my life. So with the fear/pain that I was holding onto, I finally said to God, "Okay, Lord, I will
walk with you, even though I can not see; I will give you my all, even though I am terrified of what that might
look like." I started the only place I knew, the bible/prayer! I decided to get in and dig in! I asked God to show
me what that looks like. He brought me right to Proverbs 2-- "My son, if you will receive my words And
treasure my commandments within you, Make your ear attentive to wisdom, Incline your heart to understanding;
If you seek her as silver And search for her as for hidden treasures; Then you will discern the fear
of the Lord And discover the knowledge of God. For the Lord gives wisdom; From His mouth come knowledge and
understanding. He stores up sound wisdom for the upright; He is a shield to those who walk in integrity,
Guarding the paths of justice And equity and every good course. For wisdom will enter your heart and knowledge
will be pleasant to your soul; Discretion will guard you, Understanding will watch over you..." -- This
passage blew my mind. So everyday when I opened the word I would read this. God began to speak to me through
His word in powerful ways. When the fear would hit I would instantly give it to God. God started taking me to
a new place I had never been. I started seeing the word in a new light. There were passages that I have read 5
billion times that felt like I was reading them for the first time. I felt God speak to me again about the
pain that was and has been a wall in my life. He not only spoke to me about it, He opened up a door for me
to get help. So I started counseling right away. Let me just say that when God brings something to light, He
already has the path laid out for us!! Praise God! I started to work on these things. Again, the fear was there but
I was determined to keep my eyes FIXED on Jesus. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. God was doing some
amazing things in my life and I wasn't going to let satan side-swipe me. It hasn't always been easy. Satan tries
every way possible to speak lies and fear into our lives. I have had to stand on scripture. I have had to say no to
my flesh. I have had to set time aside each day to get into the word!! I have had to get in my prayer closet!! This
has surely been a journey. God was there all along, giving his strength to me, carrying me through it ALL! Then
Monica Roberts came to me the beginning of April. She has invited me to freedom weekend, and has only asked me
about 6 times ;) in the past and I had a great excuse every single time. (haha) I had another great excuse again. It
was my anniversary that weekend of the retreat. BUT for some reason I had a prompting to go. I said yes and that was
the beginning of some more new things to come! It was an incredible weekend and God did some amazing things. He spoke
to me about finding Freedom that only He can give! He reminded me of times in the past when He had spoken to me about
some very specific things. He showed me that when I step out in obedience, He is there! I felt a super-natural bold-
ness that I have never felt before. (back story: I had received the baptism of the Holy Spirit when I was
sixteen yrs old. God had filled me and it was life changing but like I have been saying in this post, I was
continually hitting a wall through the years.) God spoke to me again that last night of the freedom weekend,"When
you step out into obedience with ME, I will bring wholeness to you!" There is NOTHING, there are NO words to
explain the way I was feeling. There was a boldness that was literally bursting within myself that night! But it only
came when I stepped out into that obedience with Him. When we say no to God we miss out big time. What He has for us
is so much bigger than we can ever comprehend. I came back home from that weekend filled with more of Him! I was
experiencing God in a whole new way. I have always felt that God has called me to be an prayer warrior. That is one
thing that I have never doubted. I felt Him say to me that instead of just praying for good things for my family, to
start claiming things for them, in His name! So I began to pray with authority. God started moving in incredible ways.
He was working in my kids, in my husband and all around us. God showed me again that He is not bound by me. My
son, Elijah, had an incredible experience with God. It was nothing that I did, nor said, that created this God experience
in Elijah. God is stretching my family with His freedom. There is a shift happening within us that is changing
all that we ever knew. I feel like, for the first time ever, I am alive in Christ!!! I feel like I am finally
walking with HIM! When this happens in your life, your focus starts to change. You see things in a different light.
You look outside of your box of "self" and see there is so much that God wants to do!! You SLOW down and listen. You
see the hurt that is all around you. You start thinking about how you can be a servant. Yes, the flesh is still there.
That is why being in the word, praying, and resting in God is a daily thing. When I am not doing those things, I am
not living life to the fullest. I get so wrapped up in me that I have no room for God. AND through this all God is
showing me that I KNOW NOTHING! It is ALL HIM! When God touched my son a few months ago He showed me very clearly that
I had NOTHING to do with it! When I finally gave up and let God move, it was ALL HIM! Galatians 2:20 PRAISE the Lord!
HE is in control. All I need to do is be His vessel. That right there is so FREEING when we realize that it is Him.
Life is a journey. I am continuing to let God work on me through counseling and He is continually showing me new things.
I am finding wholeness and healing in Him. I am breaking the un-healthy patterns in my life, with His help. I am
beginning to understand who I am in Christ! I used to hang on to the word of God like my life depended on it. I now
find myself standing on the word/GOD like a solid rock! We are in the midst of it right now but my eyes are fixed
on God. These things, that once made me cry out in desperation, are now praises to God! I don't see it the same.
I get to use it as an opportunity to show my kids how God WILL provide! The moment I take my eye off of Him, that
is the moment I sink in the storm. We have had hundreds of dollars of issues rise up and all I can think of is,"YES!
God you are bigger than this!" These are now opportunities for GOD to bring glory to Himself! I was talking to my
husband after church yesterday and we both feel like we are in such an amazing place with God. Is it bad to be excited
about "being in the storm"?? (haha) It seems silly to say that. I don't want to ever be in a place where I am not
150% reliant on our God. What if Paul decided that he just wanted to live an easy "christian" life. Hmm... That is
definitely something to think about.
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